Hey! Guess what? I have a few confessions to make. One of them is that I am a mommy of 2 children born 20 years apart. Teen mom at 16 years old and a mature mom 20 years later at 36 years old. In addition to sharing my confessions of mommy 20 years apart, I will share with you some interesting truths, strategies, and wisdom to navigate being a mommy 20 years apart.
Maybe you’re not a mommy 20 years apart? But perhaps you are a mommy of children who are totally different from each other.
Maybe you have boys and girls?
Do you feel like you are living in 2 different worlds?
You have come to the right place and I can help you to navigate those differences successfully.
This Is My Confession
November 23, 1990, was the first time I had sex.
I skipped school and spend the day with “the love of my 16-year-old life,” and ended up having unprotected sex.
Now that I look back, that in itself didn’t make much sense. Why? Because it was quite evident that I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
But, I was around the wrong crowd of young ladies who influenced me negatively.
One of those negatives was to give my virginity to the one I “loved.”
Another negative was that sex without a condom felt better.
So I told him to take the condom off. And once he was done, I felt within myself that I was pregnant.
That was just stupid!! I was getting wrong information from friends without it being counter with correct information and truth.
Let me be clear, I take full responsibility for my actions!
Parents and Sex
As a mommy, it is your responsibility to teach your children the truth about sex.
As a matter of fact, there are many topics that you need to initiate a conversation about with your children.
It is important that you educate them as much as possible. It’s not enough to tell them not to have sex. Sit down and have an open, heart-to-heart discussion with your children.
Let’s be honest here. Sex can be a tough topic to discuss with your children – especially if you are a mommy 20 years apart.
But, you’re the best person to have this conversation with your kids about such a critical topic. This can be tough, and I completely understand that. But it’s much better coming from you, a trusted parent, then for them to hear about it at school and be misinformed.
Additionally, for those of us who are Christian Parents, this is a must! I think we need to take it a step further and help our children have a Biblical understanding of sex.
Recently, I read an article that stated that teen pregnancies have decreased in the last few years. That is commendable, to say the least, and I was excited to read that!
At 16, I had run away from home.
My father who was living with a woman wanted him to marry her, but he didn’t’ want to.
Therefore, he decided that he was moving back home to Jamaica. In truth, he wanted to get rid of her but probably didn’t know how to say he didn’t want to marry her.
He decided that he was going to pack himself my two brothers along with me and move back to Jamaica.
Well, I decided that I was not moving back home and that I would run away.
We had a family friend that agreed to help me run away and gave me a place to stay. Late one night while everyone slept, I dragged my suitcase through the house. Down the hallway and through the door to the waiting car half block away.
Later, my brother said he saw me leaving but didn’t say anything and didn’t think to come with me.
I went with the family friend, where I had already made plans to move back to NY.
Another family friend who adored me since I first came from Jamaica wanted me to come and live there. She and her husband didn’t have any children of their own and would love the company.
High School Drop Out
There was another family friend that lived with us while we were in Florida but later moved to NY. She wanted me to come to NY and live with her and her family also.
However, she made it sounded as if she needed a babysitter for her kids. When I asked about going to school, she said I could go later or go to night school.
However, she needed me to watch her kids, drop them off, and pick them up from school while she and her husband worked. I never called her back.
23 Years ago, my father did not report me missing.
As a matter of fact, I continued to attend the same school for the time I was in Florida. Getting a child into a school that was not biologically yours or that you didn’t have legal custody of was easy.
All my mother had to do was to write a letter.
The letter stated that she gave the person I was living with legal guardianship of me. That adult registered me in school, signed for me at the doctor and so on.
Hide and Go Seek
When I was staying with the family friend in Florida, I had to hide out in the back room. Because just in case anyone came unexpectedly, they wouldn’t see me. My father also eventually came to visit asking if they had heard from me or see me.
And of course, they said no.
Hiding out in that back room with no air in the Florida heat was difficult. However, with the window open and staying still while reading all of my school books and Bible helped.
From Florida to New York
It took time for the older couple to gather up the money to buy my plane ticket to fly from Florida to New York. By the time I got there, it was fall, and they registered me in school.
I was miserable, to say the least, and I have always hated staying in a place where I was not happy.
Something Is Missing
From the time I ran away to the time I moved to NY was about six months.
However, by the time I moved to NY, I had already missed my period about a month and a half to be exact. I was nervous!
I knew that missing my period meant I was pregnant!
Since I was in school, I went to see the school nurse. She referred me to the clinic to check to see if I was pregnant. By the time I figured out where that place was, it was the Christmas holiday season, and they had closed.
On The Tip of a Ledge
I remember sitting on the ledge of a window at the clinic. Looking out at the dirty snow that covered the city of the Bronx. I sat there for a few hours crying and wondering what to do.
When I made up my mind, what I would do, I went to the older couple and told them that I was not happy.
I explained that I wanted to move to NJ with another family friend and her two daughters. I was familiar with them and the girls and I were the same age.
The older couple were disappointed and didn’t want me to go, but they couldn’t stop me. Plus, if they tried to stop me, you know what I would do? Run away!
On The Road Again
When I first moved from Jamaica to live with my dad, we lived in New York. I used to hate going to New Jersey. However, my dad had to go and pick up rent for one of his homes he was renting and fix any issues the tenants had.
Here I was homeless and about to move to a state that I hated. Because in comparison to NY it was like living in 2 different worlds.
It was a Sunday when (let’s will call her my Aunt) came to pick me up. I didn’t have much but a little suitcase. Most of my personal belongings were left in Florida, but I kept my Bible and few pieces of clothes.
Loving a City, I Hate
New Jersey was refreshing, and I was with people I knew, and the girls and I got along initially. They were living in my father’s house, so that was a plus. New Jersey was a slower pace than New York, but it brought about peace and calm that I haven’t felt in a long time.
Once, I arrived, my aunt called my dad to let him know that I was there with her. Not surprising but he was not very happy about it.
Used But Clean Sanitary Napkin
While I was thrilled and happy to feel at home finally, there was still that one underlying issue. My period!!
By then three months had passed and I still did not get my period, and I was nervous as heck! My aunt had a rule that we had to come to her at that time of the month to get our sanitary napkins. This way she would know for sure we were having our periods.
Well, I faked a date and told her I was on my period.
So I would use the sanitary napkin and discarded it just like I would if I was on my period.
But, my cousin who had a baby that December began to notice that my stomach was growing. She asked if I was pregnant and I told her no. Plus I told her that I was on my period.
That was a lie of course.
When March came around, she continued to ask if was pregnant. Once again, I denied it. She then asked me if I wanted to go and get tested at the local family clinic and I agreed.
The Missing First Trimester
It was March 4, 1994, the nurse came in and what did you know? I was pregnant!! I burst out crying uncontrollably.
Here I was, 16 years old, homeless, and pregnant.
I went home, and I had to tell my aunt that I was pregnant while I was still crying. Then she made me call my mother so that I could tell her that I was pregnant. My mom burst out and started crying.
She asked how I could allow myself to get in a situation like that.
That broke my little teenage heart. I was already a runaway and didn’t have anyone or place to stay, but I’m pregnant?
A Girl’s Right To Choose
With the options to have an abortion or have the baby, I choose to give her life. I knew that much not to abort an innocent life. So I told my aunt that I wanted to keep the baby. Right away, I had to go back to the clinic for prenatal care.
I was already four months along and needed to catch up on care. All of the required testing was completed, which included all STD’s to make sure I was not infected.
Additionally, I had to go and see the WIC (Women, Infant, and Children) representative for nutritional guidance.
Moving Back To Florida
I called the “male” that had impregnated me. Yes, “male” and he suggested that I moved back to Florida. I was excited and wanted to go, and did I mention how “in love” with him I was?
Now I think back, it was more of an infatuation. He was way older, but I loved that man from the first day I met him. But, My aunt said that I couldn’t move back to Florida with him. That really made me sad.
That really made me sad.
It’s Not My Baby
Later, after telling my child’s father that I would not be moving back to Florida with him, he got furious. He expressed that he wanted me to come back so I could have an abortion.
When I told him that I would not be having an abortion down there or in NJ, he retreated to saying that the baby was not his.
That broke my heart and began an inward downward spiral of depression and sadness. Him saying that the baby was not his, clouded my whole pregnancy.
Now, looking back if I had an abortion, I would not have been the mother of this beautiful young lady.
Neither would I have been able to write about being a mommy 20 years apart.
I am so happy that I decided to keep my baby who I named Alexia or Lexi.
Mommy 20 Years Apart
Twenty years later is a world of difference from the little scared, homeless 16-year-old girl that I was.
There is no comparison between being a homeless teen mom and a married woman at 36.
Being a mommy 20 years apart have enabled me to have a vast amount of wisdom, insight, and understanding.
Being a mommy 20 years apart has so many variables to it. It is also about being a single mom and that in itself is life challenging.
In the meantime, I was pursuing higher education so that I could provide a good life for my baby girl and myself.
Additionally, I had to deal with having a child with special needs.
Becoming a mommy 20 years apart at the age at 36, was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
I was a happily married woman.
The Lord had blessed me with a husband that was able to provide a comfortable life for my then 20-year-old baby and me. We were newlyweds; we had bought a beautiful four bed, three bath house. Also, I had a great paying job for almost ten years.
And both my husband and I wanted to have a baby.
Birth Control at 35
When I got married, I was 35 years old. I had never been on birth control because I was celibate for most of my 35 years. I wanted to get married and did not believe in sleeping around.
Therefore, I was not interested in guys who wanted to test drive me or shack up.
I was determined not to give up the “COOKIE!!” So there was no need for me to be on birth control, but when I got married, I needed it.
My doctor at first didn’t want to give me any birth control. Why? Because I was 35 and was somewhat considered high risk because of my age. She wanted me to start trying right away, but I refused.
My husband and I had to move my apartment and his townhouse and get used to living under the same roof.
Plus because of my daughter, we were considered a blended family. So to add a baby right after we got married would have been too much in my opinion.
I wanted us to wait for a whole year before we started trying to get pregnant.
Once, I explained my reasoning, my doctor gave me some birth control for about six months. However, when I asked for more she refused. She believed that I needed to start trying to get pregnant as soon as possible.
By this time, I was already 36. Trying to become a mommy 20 years apart, wasn’t as easy like it was when I was sixteen.
The first month I tried and nothing!?
So I called my doctor for an appointment to see why I wasn’t pregnant. She asked how long I was trying. “One month,” I said. She stopped typing and turned to me, and told me to go home and have sex every day. LOL!!!
Well, thank you so much for reading. Confessions of a mommy 20 years apart, is a true testimony of what any mommy can do.
What is your confession? Anything fascinating you would like to share? Hit the comment button and lets chat. Thx
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